ManSquatch’s Top 20 albums of 2012 (AND THEN SOME)

1. Sharon Van Etten - Tramp

That voice, those songs, the intensity — Sharon Van Etten, this isn’t a review so much as a marriage proposal. Where did you come from? Why are you so good at everything? Can I have your number?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBldhDijhfg

2. Deep Sea Diver - History Speaks

That voice, those songs, the intensity — Jessica Dobson, this isn’t a review so much as a marriage proposal. Where did you come from? Why are you so good at everything? Can I have your number?

Oh, I said that already about SVE? WHAT ARE YOU, THE INDIE ROCK CRUSH DREAM KILLER?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=alsfAS4l1FY

3. Father John Misty - Fear Fun

J. Tillman writes like a honty-tonk Beatle, sings like a Fleet Fox (because he was a Fleet Fox), and has a sense of humor that is somewhere in the middle of Nilsson and Zappa. No way I’m not loving that.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iS84BMFszW0

4. The Orwells - Remember When

Listen to the album, and then realize that these lo-fi punk-rocking fuckers are all still in high school. Something’s in the water in Chicagoland.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fXrd6pnehpA

5. The Lumineers – S/T

Hey, Mumford & Sons — suck it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2yTiDlr8Mc

6. Damien Jurado - Maraqopa

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iyhKQKtPLl4

7. Grizzly Bear - Shields

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AuG9i5cwGW0

8. Soundgarden - King Animal

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7iyv4le1ap8

9. Sera Cahoone - Deer Creek Canyon

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YWR7ZM7xQE

10. Alabama Shakes - Boys & Girls

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ROla_B49KbQ

Band I Dislike, Song I Do Not: Foreigner, ‘Long, Long Way From Home’

Reasons I dislike Foreigner

• I’m pretty sure when the band started they were just looking to fill that “poor man’s Bad Company” void.
• Somehow Ian McDonald went from being a member of King Crimson when they did this to playing guitar on this horseshit.
• If you’re like me and grew up in a town where your radio choices were basically “the good classic rock station” and “the bad classic rock station,” you’ve heard enough fucking Foreigner in your life. See also: Boston, Journey, Boston, Styx, Boston.
• “I Want To Know What Love Is.” Get away from me.

Reasons I like “Long, Long Way From Home” 

• If the sound of a clavinet doesn’t immediately arouse you, you might be dead.
• If there’s one thing Foreigner could do, it was write a seemingly epic but mostly pointless story song with badass power chords. (I also really like “Jukebox Hero,” too, but that’s mainly for ironic reasons.)
• Mmmm. Sax-UH-ma-PHONE!
• It’s not one of the five Foreigner songs played to Goddamn death by classic rock radio. And it’s really short.

Band I Dislike, Song I Do Not: The Eagles, ‘Those Shoes’

Reasons I like “Those Shoes”

• Joe Walsh. Talk box. My ears.

Reasons I dislike The Eagles

• C’mon. They’re The Eagles. They fucking suck.

Band I Dislike, Song I Do Not: U2, ‘Bullet the Blue Sky’

Reasons I dislike U2

• Bono isn’t a good vocalist.
• The Edge’s revolutionary guitar style usually involves playing through three separate delay pedals and going “Hey guys, doesn’t that sound WEIRD?”
• They haven’t made a legitimately good record since the late ’80s yet the press keeps S-ing their D’s.
• Did I mention their names are Bono and The Edge? You’re musicians, not damn comic book characters.
• The sunglasses, the leather jackets, the beanies. Make up your minds — are you hot or cold? Guess what, it doesn’t matter, you’re probably indoors. Douchebags.

Reasons I like “Bullet the Blue Sky”

• Driving bass line, which is basically what the whole song is built around. Lead bass FTW. ALWAYS.
• Nice, somewhat understated slide guitar. Touché, Edge. (You’re still bald. Not fooling anybody with those hats.)
• The “rattle and hum” lyric, which made for one of the best concert video titles of all-time.
• That whole “arms of America” ending reminds me of the ending of this song (and that song just happens to be the song that made me pick up a guitar, so… there).

Band I Dislike, Song I Do Not: Def Leppard – Rock of Ages

Reasons I dislike Def Leppard

• “Pour Some Sugar On Me.” Everybody is dumber for having heard that song. I award you no points and may God have mercy on your souls.
• I’d rather have to hear the sessions of that one-armed drummer relearning how to play than Joe Elliott yelp his way through “Photograph.”
• Def Leppard was like the biggest thing in the world in the mid-’80s, so obviously they’re terrible.
• The spelling. If it wasn’t for their dumb British asses we wouldn’t have had to endure through stupidly-spelled acts like Limp Bizkit, Linkin Park, or Jackyl with a Y.

Reasons I like “Rock of Ages”

• “Unta gleeben glouten globen.” So stupid…LY AWESOME!
• They stole the riff from Led Zeppelin’s atrocious “In the Evening” (0:57 mark), but they’re not the greatest rock band of all time so it isn’t a huge letdown.
• That chorus? Pretty bitchin’.
• Secretly I’m a big dumb dipshit who likes sports, a nice slab of steak, and shout-singing “I WANT ROCK-A-ROLL!” That’s right, I’m a man. Deal with it.

2011 in review: Mansquatch’s favorite songs (The Conclusion)

Songs 50-26.

And here’s the whole damn thing in a tidy, easy-to-use and scent-free Spotify playlist.

25. Crystal Antlers – By the Sawkill
In a year where we were dodged by new material from the Mars Volta (again!), we were lucky to have one of our many bands with a deer-themed name help fill the freak-out garage prog void. “By the Sawkill” takes you by the balls by opening with a frantic fuzz solo, and the screamed-out vocals make sure you never have a reprieve.

24. Diego Garcia – You Were Never There
A dash of flamenco guitar, some backgrounds borrowed from “Five O’Clock World,” and an impossible-to-forget chorus make for the most infectious song I heard all year.

23. Those Darlins – Screws Get Loose
Bad girls make the best songs. I look forward to hearing this in the next Tarantino movie.

22. Timber Timbre – Woman
Evil. Fucking. Tuba.

Oh, and some seriously great crawling piano, spooky slide, and inventive singing.

But mostly, Evil. Fucking. Tuba.

21. The Black Keys – Mind Eraser
On an album where Akron’s finest seem to be spending a little too much time polishing a Bad Company impression, at least the finale delivers the balance of hard blues and melodicism we’ve all come accustomed to from Monsieurs Auerbach and Carney.

20. SHIM – I Don’t Know Why
If you wonder where all the rock went in 2011, Seattle’s beer-swilling, steak-eating SHIM stole it. All of it. And then they splurged the entire lot on this 1:41-long nugget of speed-freakin’ Foghattery.

19. Legendary Oaks – Grace Underwater
Another well-kept secret from Seattle, Legendary Oaks builds a forlorn guitar-and-fiddle duet up into an electrified shuffle with awesome double-tracked singing and a killer country-stomp guitar solo.